So dad, my sister, and I went out for an early dinner. After we finished eating we left to go home, but instead of going home dad pulled into a used car lot. Okay, dad knows I have been wanting to look at cars and see which one I like that are within my affordability range, but MY affordability rage not his. I understand he wants me to have a really nice and safe car, but I can only afford one that is so new, so safe, and so nice. Dad is pointing out cars with all these safety features and are practically brand new that I can't afford. I know what he's doing, I know my dad so well. He's thinking about buying me a car for Christmas and he is trying to figure out what kind of car I like by showing me all the ones he thinks are safe. He would never have thought about doing this before all the crap in my life. I don't want him to feel guilted into buying me a car because of my circumstances.
How do I tell my dad that I don't want him to buy me a car without hurting his feelings? I want to buy my own car, even if that car isn't as safe as or as new as dad wants me to have.
This must seem like a non issue to most people. I just don't want to feel helpless, and it just seems that if I was the one to buy my own car, pay for the costs myself, that I would be somehow empowering my own freedom. That sounds so stupid.
I just want to feel like an adult instead of this freaking damaged little child I have been feeling like.
Am I being stupid? Please be honest.
Oooh I just have to say... It might be the only time in your life someones gonna buy you a car?! And hey.. you'd still have to pay for insurance/gas/milage etc huh? theres alot to keeping a car going that keeps ur freedom empowered.. its ok to have a little help.. you deserve an awesome pressie as that too =) just my thoughts hun, hope i leave nothing offensive!
ReplyDeleteHi Jaime, I don't think how you're feeling is stupid at all [although I must say, the broke student in me is thinking - take the car!!! haha!]. In fact, I think it is actually quite honorable and evidence of your determination to heal from this terrible thing that happened to you.
ReplyDeleteWhen something like rape happens, it leaves the victim feeling extremely helpless. I think it's important for survivors of sexual assault to work towards achieving goals that will help us regain a sense of control in our lives and promote independence.
It's a difficult situation because as you mention, your father is doing this as an expression of his love and concern for you. I'm sure as a father, he feels helpless in many ways (i.e., not always knowing how to help you or show his support) so this is probably a way for him to feel like he is doing something to help.
Although you do run the risk of initially hurting his feelings, I know that your father only wants what is best for you. If purchasing a car on your own will help you regain a sense of control and power in your life, then I would make sure to let him know. If you are worried about taking away one of the ways he is trying to help, you could always propose other tangible ways that he might help you (not necessarily with the car).
With that being said, I would be prepared for a potential compromise - if your father is anything like my parents, he will insist on some of the safety features, which means you might be stuck saving up for a car over a longer period of time! :)
Your father sounds like a great man and a wonderful father who is very reasonable, so I imagine he will understand. Also, I know you already do an amazing job letting him know that you appreciate his support and love. There is no doubt in my mind that you will handle this situation in the best way possible.
Major kudos for putting out the extra effort to regain some independence and empower yourself!
I saw compromise in M's comment somewhere, it might be one of those situations =) I just wanted to butt my nose in again and ask you've thought about doing a girls DIY car thing? ya know? change oil, tyre, water, er brake fulid i know is a really important one lol
ReplyDeleteWhat's "DIY"?
ReplyDeleteI have no idea what I am going to do. I hate this feeling of not knowing what to do. I didn't use to be like this.
ReplyDeleteDad pays for all my living expenses and he is going to pay for all of my college. A car, and driving is a privilege and I don't feel right with him buying me one. I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm so stupid.
ReplyDeletePerhaps "Do-It-Yourself"...?
ReplyDeleteI'm confident that whatever you ultimately decide will be the best decision. I know it's frustrating, but hang in there, you're doing much better with all this than you realize.
ReplyDeleteP.S. In response to your last comment to Wabs, "Jaime" and "stupid" do not belong in the same sentence.
ReplyDeleteOkay, I can change the oil etc myself.....
ReplyDeleteHowever I can't buy the car myself unless I pay for it in cash. I have to be 18 to enter a binding contract for a loan...
Now, you're just being nice.
ReplyDeleteyea, not stupid at all, ur pretttty dang on to it.. do what you feel is right for you with the car <3
ReplyDelete