A Venting Letter

Before anyone reads this I want it to be clear that this is just a means of venting. I have no intention of harming myself.

---

Dear World,

I became a part of you when I was 100% useless and vulnerable. I spent 16 years trying to become something of worth that was strong, but I have failed. I should be standing tall but instead I cower in the corner. This is even before you pissed and shit on me with extreme indifference. Now I am less than nothing, now I am worth less than valueless. Now I'm not even strong enough to be worthy of the breath in my lungs, love, compassion, or life.

World, I submit to your cruelty and I'm on my knees in defeat. As my life spills on the floor I replace the stain that is me upon the world with a single staining puddle that a sponge can clean up. I know you will be a far better place for others without me.

Dear Fellow Survivors,

I came to you when I needed support the most. As welcoming and understanding as you all were, I can not risk that I will become an even greater burden to you. It is unfair for me to want you to support what is already broken, and what is damaged beyond repair. It is unfair for me to contaminate your lives with my perpetual stain. You all have your own needs and I can't be so selfish as to expect support from you when you are just trying to keep yourself intact.

I have nothing but stupid juvenile opinions that are lacking in an obvious empathy that everyone needs. I am too stupid to understand, too stupid to encourage, and too stupid to deserve the chance to help someone else. All of you deserve so much more support and better encouragement than I am capable of giving.

My actions will not only set me free from the bonds of corporeal pain, but it will rid me from you like the cancerous growth I am.

Dear Dad,
Don't cry, just find comfort in that I am no longer hurting. I am free, and you are free from my burdening imposition. Now you will have more energy and time to raise Amie, she deserves you so much more than I. Although you will miss me and it will hurt, it is far better to rip the band-aid off than it is to slowly torture you.

Daddy, you didn't fail me, I failed you. I should have listened to your words of wisdom. If I would have just listened, this wouldn't have happened. I failed you and I do not deserve your love. Now you can put all of your efforts into protecting and raising Amie, she deserves you so much more than I.

I love you daddy, but I don't deserve your love. Please allow me one more imposition. Go to my blog and print out my letter to the court and read it during his sentencing.

Dear little sister,

I regret that I will not be there to be the big sister that you should have been able to come to for advice. I know you don't understand this now and I pray you never will understand. I simply can not risk that you will become tainted by me. I am bad for you. There's only one lesson I can teach you, and that is to listen to dad.

Amie, I love you. I am in a better place now, and I am with mom now. We look forward to seeing you after you live a long full life.

Dear rapist,
You won the fight, you overpowered me on every level. You have won the war, and I am too broken to fight anymore. I hope you feel proud of your life's singular accomplishment.

Dear Police,

This is a self-inflicted injury with the intent of my own death. There's nothing to investigate. Instead put resources into investigating REAL crimes.

Dear Court,

In my statement of mine that my dad read I said I wouldn't hint to what I think is a fair punishment. I have changed my mind. Fair would be a dark and filthy hole in the earth where the worms can feast upon him. At least this way he can be some good to the world. Don't kill him, just bury him alive and let the worms kill him.