He Was Sentenced Today

Okay, this is what his sentence is.

The charge of ASSAULT IN THE FIRST DEGREE he received 15 years. By law 85% of sentence has to be served before eligibility for parole. Which comes to 12 years and 9 months.

The charge of RAPE IN THE FIRST DEGREE he received the minimum of 20 years of which 85% of the sentence has to be served before eligibility for parole. Which comes to 17 years.

The sentencing for assault and rape are to be served concurrently. This basically means that he serves these two sentences at the same time. So instead of adding the years it pretty much defaults to the higher number. This means on these two charges he will spend not less than 17 years behind bars.

The charge of ABDUCTION-UNLAWFUL IMPRISONMENT he received 25 years. He will be eligible for parole after only 10 years of that sentence.

However the sentence for abduction is to be served consecutive with the other two. This all breaks down to him having to serve 17 years for raping and torturing me, and then he will start to serve his sentence for abduction which is 25 years.

If he is a model inmate he will spend no less than 27 years in prison before he is eligible for parole.

If he is denied parole he will spend 42 years in prison.

He is 18 years old now and he will not even have a chance to see freedom until he is 45 years old (the year 2038).

If he is consistently denied parole he will be 60 years old upon his release in 2053.

I plan on showing up to all of his parole hearings to make sure he is denied parole.

On a side note:

I have read my statement so many times that I barely even needed to look at the paper in my hand and only had to stop once to collect my thoughts. I left out one sentence on purpose, the sentence where I referred to him as a puppet master. I left that out because as I was reading/reciting it to the court I realized something. He isn't the master of anything not even himself. He is going to be told when to eat, sleep, exercise, and shower for the next several years; that's the actions of a puppet not a master. Also when I got to the part in my statement where I was suppose to say the following,

"I want the court to know that I'm not afraid, but mostly I want the defendant to know that I am not afraid of the word rape anymore; nor am I afraid of him."

I turned toward this deranged person and said this instead.

"I want the court to know that I'm not afraid, but mostly I want the YOU to know that I am not afraid of the word rape anymore; nor am I afraid of YOU."

I am home and I feel safer than I have felt in almost 4 months. I am sleepy and I am going to take a nap. Something tells me that I am going to be able to sleep pretty good.

I Think I Just Helped My Dad Get A Date

Okay, so my little sister is spending the night over a friend's house then dad and I went out to Nana's Country Kitchen for supper. We sit down to eat and we notice that the waitress is a new waitress. Nana's Country Kitchen is a really small restaurant that has a pub side and a restaurant side. Usually they have two waitresses on the restaurant side and one on the pub side. Today it was just the opposite; I guess more people felt like drinking today than usual. Anyway, like I said the waitress on the restaurant side was new and she had never met us. She was very polite and she is quite attractive. Well she came and took our order and dad had his usual country fried steak and I had my usual parmesan chicken. Yes, we are not very adventurous.

While we were waiting for our food we noticed that our waitress kept staring at us, not in a rude way just looking at us. Our waitress and the two working on the pub side were standing around each other and they began to laugh loudly like someone just said a really funny joke. Meanwhile all three of them were looking at us. Dad and I looked at each other searching for something funny about each others hair, clothes, or whatever but we didn't see anything obviously funny about us so we just sort of brushed it off.

I pretended to get up and use the restroom but I was really getting up to see what the humor was all about. As I was walking that direction one of the waitresses that was working on the pub side walked up to me, this waitress happened to be one that has waited on dad and I several times. Keep in mind that where this waitress and I were standing was far enough away that dad couldn't hear us and unless he looked behind him he wouldn't be able to see us. She began to explain to me that the new waitress that was staring at us walked up to the other two waitresses asking them if they thought me and dad was a couple. She said that she was all like, "there's no way that she is old enough to be dating him". As you can imagine that's what spurred the laughter as the other two waitresses explained that dad and I were father and daughter. I asked this waitress to not let the other waitress (our waitress) know that she has let me know what they were laughing about, and instead tell her that we looked uncomfortable that they were laughing while looking at us. Of course she was confused and wondering what I was up to and in reply I just said, "Please play along it will be fun".

I sat back down at the table with my dad and as the waitress was bringing our food out to us I told dad to "just play along". She gave us our food and began to explain what they were laughing at and how she thought we were on a date. She even apologized for laughing. I looked at this waitress with the straightest face I could make and said in a stunned and stern sounding voice, "What do you mean father and daughter? We are husband and wife. What makes you think we are father a daughter"?

You should have seen the look on her face as she tried to explain that she thought we were a couple and then the other waitresses told her that we were father and daughter. The look on her face was priceless and it was that look between wanting to turn and run and cover your face with you hands. That's when my dad said to her, "Don't worry about it, we often confuse people because of the age difference. It is okay though, I got her parents permission before we began to date".

The look on her face was wonderful. LOL I couldn't hold it in anymore and I buuuussted out laughing. Of course the other two waitresses have been listening in on our joke and they were laughing too. Even the poor new waitress laughed once she realized we were playing a joke on her. This waitress was really nice.

While dad and I were eating, he joked around about how mean I am. Dad also said something that I wasn't really expecting, "She's kind of pretty isn't she".

It took me a couple of seconds to realize that dad was talking about the waitress. Don't misunderstand me, this waitress was actually very pretty, it was just the first time I have ever actually consciously realized dad looked at women in terms of being attracted to them. It's like realizing your parents are having sex and that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach that it causes. I ended up suggesting that dad talk to the waitress and get her phone number. He sort of brushed off that notion and changed the subject.

Later on the waitress comes to our table to give dad the bill for the meal. I told her that I was sorry that we played a joke on her and she said it was okay and that it actually made her day. She and I talked for a few minutes and I found out that she wasn't married and she never had been, nor did she have any children. I mentioned to her that my dad was thinking about dating again and she asked how long he has been divorced. "He's not divorced, mom died in a car accident almost 2 years ago".

Dad gave her the money for the meal and she came back to the table with his receipt. She said it was nice to meet us and then walked away. Dad put a tip on the table and then we left. On the way home I asked dad if I could look at the receipt because I thought we were overcharged. Now I didn't really think we were overcharged, I was testing a theory or a possibility. On the back of the receipt was the waitress's name, "Vicky" and a phone number. She gave my dad her phone number. I helped hook my dad up. Now that's a weird feeling. Now the hard part will be to get him to call her.

Court Order Of Protection (follow up)

This post is actually a continuation of the Court Order Of Protection post I made 2 weeks ago.

Two weeks ago when dad and I filed for a Court Order Of Protection we were given a court date for a hearing regarding this petitioned order of protection. Meanwhile the judge granted me an E.P.O. (emergency protection order) to protect me until the hearing we had today. At this hearing our lawyer explained to the judge the circumstances behind all of this. The judge then required me to explain to him what happened at school with the half brother of the guy who raped me. I reluctantly explained to the judge what happened. Although this all happened in closed chambers being that I am a minor, it was still fairly unsettling. Still I need to get use to it being that in 3 weeks I will be speaking to the court during the sentencing of the guy who raped me.

To make a long story short, the order of protection against the half brother was extended for 18 months. I also found out some more information about the content of the communication between the half brother and the rapist. There wasn't direct threats or even indirect threats made toward me, but the guy who raped me was sharing detailed information about what he did to me to his half brother. The human thing for the half brother to do would have been to tell the rapist that he's sick to be talking about this and break off contact with him. According to what I was told and what the court was told, these communications between them shown a mutual sense of indifference toward my well-being. I think that basically means that remorse isn't being felt by the rapist and the half brother must have been enjoying the descriptions of what the rapist did to me.

My dad made the right choice to take me out of public school and into home schooling for the remainder of this year. Dad is talking about private school for my 11th and 12th grade years. My lawyer, dad, and I have an appointment with the principal of the school I was attending (the school the half brother attends) to inform them of what is going on so that they can further decide if the half brother belongs around other students. My lawyer seems to think that the school board will ultimately remove him from school after he turns 18. I don't know when his birthday is, there's a lot of things I don't know right now. I do know my stress O-meter is maxed out right now.

I was told by the judge that if the half brother has any contact with me I need to call the police immediately and tell them that I have an order of protection against him. The judge said the cops will resolve the situation and if need be arrest him. I also had a concern of my own that I wanted to ask the judge. I asked about my rights to name names or write about all of this in my blog and online support forums. He said in regards to the guy who raped me, I can talk about any and everything I choose to and even mention his name as long as I only stick to the facts submitted in court. Being that I have talked about things that happened to me that never made it into court records, I am going to continue to not disclose his name for the foreseeable future. I was also instructed that there's no law restricting my right to mention the half brothers name, but it would be best to not mention it to keep the chances of frivolous slander accusations to a zero. The short of it is, I will not mention names now or in the future on my blog or forums.

In three more weeks I will face the courts and my rapist for the last time in many years, I hope. In some ways I don't feel like I am ready to speak up in court, but I want so badly for there to be a resolution to all of this. I hope this will be the resolution that I need, in order to start feeling like me again and feel empowered.

Taking My Driving Test, And A Job Interview

About eight weeks ago I went to the D.M.V. to take my driving test for my driver's license, but they wouldn't allow me to take the test because my arm was immobilized in a cast. Well, I was a little saddened but to be honest I don't think I could have concentrated enough to pass the test anyway. The only reason I went to the D.M.V. then was because I had already scheduled my test prior to my assault.

In about 11 hours I will be going back to the D.M.V. with dad so that I can take my driving test. I'm a bit nervous to say the least. Still, I think I will do just fine. I have been behind the wheel about 6 hours total since my cast was removed. That should be enough practice to pass. I hope. LOL

I also have a job interview at 6pm for a part time job at a small grocery chain called Save-A-Lot. The good thing is that this store is only a half mile from where I live, so that will make it easy to work there even without a car.

Dad said that he would help me get a car as long as I pay for half of it and pay for the insurance, gas, and maintenance. I already have enough money saved up for half the cost of a decent car, still insurance will cost me about $130 a month because of my age.

Wish me luck everyone.

He Pled Guilty

The above picture says it all. The guy who raped me plead guilty to assault in the first degree, rape in the first degree, and abduction. Originally they were also charging him with rape of a minor and transportation of a minor across state lines for the purpose of a criminal or sexual act. Those two charges were dropped. I was told and through my own investigation of the laws in Kentucky that because the age of consent allows for an 18 year old and 16 year old to have sex. Even though it wasn't consensual the prosecutor decided that it would be more of a distraction if it ended up going to trial. So they stuck with the three main charges that he did plead guilty of, and confess to.

___________________________________________________

508.010 Assault in the first degree.

A person is guilty of assault in the first degree when:

(a) He intentionally causes serious physical injury to another person by means of a deadly weapon or a dangerous instrument; or 

(b) Under circumstances manifesting extreme indifference to the value of human life he wantonly engages in conduct which creates a grave risk of death to another and thereby causes serious physical injury to another person.

Punishment: Can be 2-20 years. By law 85% of sentence has to be served before eligibility for parole.

___________________________________________________

510-010 Rape In The First Degree.

A person is guilty of rape in the first degree (Class A Felony) when:

A victim under 12 or seriously injured

Punishment: can be 20 - 50 years. I couldn't find the minimum percentage of time served.

___________________________________________________

509.040 Abduction/Kidnapping/Unlawful Imprisonment:

A person is guilty of abduction, kidnapping, or unlawful imprisonment when:

To hold the victim for ransom or reward; or

To accomplish or to advance the commission of a felony; or

To inflict bodily injury or to terrorize the victim or another; or

To interfere with the performance of a governmental or political function; or

To use him or her as a shield or hostage; or

To deprive the parents or guardian of the custody of a minor, when the person taking the minor is not a person exercising custodial control or supervision of the minor.

Kidnapping is a Class B felony when the victim is released alive and in a safe place prior to trial. Kidnapping is a Class A felony when the victim is released alive but the victim has suffered serious physical injury during the kidnapping, or as a result of not being released in a safe place, or as a result of being released in any circumstances which are intended, known or should have been known to cause or lead to serious physical injury. Kidnapping is a capital offense when the victim is not released alive or when the victim is released alive but subsequently dies as a result of serious physical injuries suffered during the kidnapping; or not being released in a safe place; or being released in any circumstances which are intended, known or should have been known to cause or lead to the victim’s death.

PUNISHMENT: Can be according to KRS § 532.060, for a Class A felony, sentence of imprisonment is not less than 20 years and not more than 50 years, or life imprisonment. For a Class B felony, sentence is not less than 10 years and not more than 20 years.

____________________________________________________

I was sitting in the back roll for about 2 or 3 minutes before they walked him out through one of the doors. He had an orange jump suit and was being escorted by an officer on either side of him. He only looked up from the floor for a few short seconds. He scanned to room and his eyes landed on his mom and dad. He then briefly looked at me before looking back at the floor as he was escorted to a chair next to his lawyer. He quietly sat there only nodding his head a few times in response to whatever his lawyer had whispered to him. 

As we waited for the judge to begin to speak I felt so sick. I kept fighting this urge to run out the door. Dad had his arm wrapped around me and grandma was holding my hand. I could tell that my dad became angry when seeing him walk into the courtroom because he stiffened up and his breathing changed. I know the both of us were being flooded with a surge of adrenalin.

Finally the court clerk began to speak followed by the judge. 

The judge asked, "To the charge of assault in the first degree, how does the defendant plead"? 

"Guilty", said the defendant.

The judge asked, "To the charge of rape in the first degree, how does the defendant plead"?

"Guilty", said the defendant.

The judge asked, "To the charge of abduction, how does the defendant plead"?

"Guilty", said the defendant.

I couldn't help it, I began to cry. I felt such a feeling of relief as the word guilty came out of his mouth. A sense that I could finally take a deep breath without choking on the air came over me. His parents who were sitting a few rolls behind him also sat there quietly. His mom stared downward and his dad's head nodded up and down as he pled guilty to each charge.

He was in the courtroom no more than 5 or 6 minutes then he was escorted back out the same door he came in through.

Sentencing is scheduled for December 20th, 2011. 

When we walked out of the courtroom into the lobby area, dad, grandma, and I hugged each other. We were getting ready to walk down the stairs to the ground floor when that guys parents walked up to us. Dad instinctively stood between them and me. That guy's father said to my dad, "We are sorry for what our son did to your daughter and your family". He and his wife then walked away.

As I sit here trying to write this post, I can't help but feel a little bad for his parents. I'm sure the shame they are feeling toward their own son is hard to deal with. I want to tell them that I hold no anger toward them, only their son, but I don't think there's anything I can say that will help them.

I'm just glad to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

My Mom

For the past month since I was raped I have been thinking about a lot of different things. There's a few things that's never far from my mind. The number one thing is what happened to me, but the other biggest thing is my mother. Some of you know that my mother is no longer alive, some of you may not. Either way I want to tell you about her and explain beyond the obvious why I miss her so much and why she's no longer with us.

My was born and raised in Alabama, USA. She was only 18 years old when I was born and when she married my father who was only 17. Still with her and my father being so young they still managed to raise me the right way in my humble opinion.

I miss my mom and I need her so much right now to understand and comfort me, but she's not here. My dad and others tell me that she is here with us, but I know it is just a statement used in an attempt to make me feel better. I have never told anyone this before, but there is times I talk to her just like she is here. I speak to her as if she is taking part in the conversation. I don't really hear her talk back to me, but I do imagine what her words would be. Ever since I was raped I have tried to have several conversations with her but I don't hear her because I don't know what she would be telling me. I have no idea what she would say to me, but I know it would make things not hurt so bad. If she was here she would wrap her arms around me to make me feel safe and tell me something, anything to make me feel better. 

It's not fair that my mom is no longer here. It's not fair that she had to leave me and my family. It's not fair that I was hurt so badly by an evil person and I don't even have my mom to lean on.

Introducing A Blog That I Often Read (Finding Your Voice Of Truth)

I would like to suggest a blog to anyone who has been a victim of abuse. Finding Your Voice Of Truth is a blog written by a Life Coach, Writer, Truth Teller, Healing Catalyst, Group and Retreat Facilitator, Novice Art Journaler, Business Goddess, , Blogger, Aspiring Screenwriter, Mother, Animal Lover, Wannabe Vegan, and a survivor of childhood abuse named Stephanie Gagos.

I often read this blog for advice and coping techniques. Last night I read the following short blog post on her blog.

The Scream Inside There is a scream inside, one that is waiting to be expelled, waiting to have its day. Life can hit us hard at times. Emotions get stirred up, rumbling inside us without the having the opportunity to discharge.

Pent up rage, fear, grief, swirling endlessly as we make our way through the world with smiles on our faces.

Let go of the scream. Go in your car and scream, lock yourself in a room, do it when no one is home, scream into a pillow several times, go into nature. Find a way to give your scream the privacy it needs to come into being.

Let the sound of your own pain have a voice. Honor the scream inside. You do not have to be silent anymore.

This morning when I finally had the house to myself I let my scream be expelled. I did this in hope of getting rid of stress, clearing my mind, and expressing emotion. I grabbed a pillow off my bed and then went into a closet in the hallway so that my screams wouldn't be noticeable by neighbors. One of the last things I want is a neighbor hearing me scream and calling the police. It would make an interesting story though.

At first I wasn't screaming, I was ranting. I was for a lack of a better word bitching about my mom no longer being alive to help me through this difficult time. I began to complain out loud about the guy who hurt me and how messed up I feel because of him. Before I knew it I was crying and my rants had turned into angry screeches. I yelled some of the worst unladylike words and nearly all of them were directed toward the monster who hurt me. I'm not sure how long the screams lasted.

At one point my angry screams changed to something else. Something I can only describe as pain. My screams morphed into an unintelligible gibberish. My knees shook so bad that I could no longer stand on my feet. I rolled onto my side and curled up into a ball. I had all these images, sensations, and horribly painful body memories surround me. In all honesty it was the first time I truly cried after my rape. I don't mean I haven't had tears fall from my eyes before this morning. There's a huge difference between a few tears and an uncontrolled outward flow of emotions. Again I have no idea how long I lay on my side.

Somewhere along the line my cries stopped and I sat up against the wall of the inside of the closet, while resting my head against the pillow. I fell asleep, and it was a peaceful sleep. It was the most peaceful sleep I have had since September 1st, 2011 which was the night before he hurt me. I feel pretty good right now. Not only physically but emotionally as well.

I don't know if this is something that will help anyone else who tries this. I can only attest to it's benefit to me. 

I officially want to thank Stephanie G from Finding Your Voice Of Truth for so freely providing a blog filled with such useful articles. 

Trying To Gain The Courage To Let My Voice Be Heard In Court

I posted this earlier and then a few hours later took it down because I was worried about people copying this image or triggering people with this image. Mostly I think I was scared. I'm okay now. I have figured out how to disable right click so that people can't save this image. Plus I added an extra caution mouseover function to initially hide the image in an effort to prevent people from accidentally viewing it. Some people might think this post is weird and especially being the image, but this blog and this post is for me. This post is to help make me less frightened to share this personal stuff so that I will hopefully have the resolve to speak out in court. I hope people don't object to this.

The prosecutor of my rape case has made all the evidence they have against him, all of my statements, and injury photos available to me so that I can look over it just incase I remember some events that I had previously left out. I was also told that looking over this stuff may help me know what to say if I choose to make a statement to the court before his sentencing. His sentencing is still a long ways off, but if I want to have the courage to speak in court I need to start thinking about this stuff now.

I have spent several weird and painful hours looking through this stuff trying to figure out what I am going to say to the court. It surprises me how much detail I remember now that I either couldn't recall immediately after all of this happened or simply couldn't bring myself to talk about. I have decided to start working on two separate statements. One statement for if he pleads guilty, and the other for if he retracts his confession, pleading innocent and then is found guilty. It is my understanding according to our family lawyer that I will have the opportunity to give my statement to the court in written form or verbal. I am going to try my best to give it verbally because I think it will help me heal by overcoming my obvious fear to face this guy again. Either way I plan on reading a statement that I have pre-written. As of right now there's every indication that this guy is going to plead guilty so I am first concentrating on the statement if he pleads guilty.

The following is what I am thinking of saying to the court.

.....When asked if I wanted to make a statement to the court I honestly didn't know what to say. I debated with myself rather or not I would be able to speak in front of a room of strangers and if I would be able to let my voice be heard in front of the person who hurt me. Part of me wanted to shut-down and simply be a silent listener who was sitting idle in the back of the courtroom partially hiding behind my dad so that I would feel safe. The more I thought about it, the more I realized I would spend a lifetime being disappointed in myself if I didn't speak up.

I never thought I would be a victim of rape. I don't think anyone thinks they'll be a victim of rape. When something as awful as rape happens and we hear about it, we often have this voice in the back of our mind that tells us that it will never happen to me. I had that voice. It's a harsh reality to accept, but I was raped, sodomized, and beaten repeatedly by (assailants name).

Not only did I receive a broken arm, cuts, bruises, tears, and internal damage that required surgery to repair, but I was also impregnated. On top of all the physical injuries, I also have emotional injuries that I will continue to heal from long after my body's injuries have healed. This is something that will affect me for the rest of my life. (Assailants name) took something from me during those twenty three hours he kept me captive in his van where he could rape and beat me at his leisure. It's more than my virginity or my body. It's my peace of mind, comfort, and sense of security. It's a first sexual experience that I always hoped would be tender and beautiful. No longer will I only view sex as a beautiful sharing between two lovers. I will always have the memory of me being raped and the chance of the emotional pain resurfacing during a future relationship.

I have spent many sleepless nights trying to figure out how to deal with the emotional damage his assault has caused me. In all honesty I have had a difficult time calling what he did to me rape. I have said he hurt me, assaulted me, and other terms to describe what he did to me. The reason why is because rape is such a horrible thing. In many ways I guess I was afraid of the word rape nearly as much as I was afraid to be in his van. I want the court to know, but mostly I want (assailants name) to know that I am not afraid of the word rape anymore, nor am I afraid of him.

I come before you urging this court to pass fair sentence on the defendant. I honestly do not know what would be a fair punishment. I could never be impartial because I am far too vested in his punishment. As a result I will not hint as to what I feel is a fair sentence. I will simply put my faith is the wisdom of this court and expect this court to deliver due justice so that a message is sent to anyone who would choose to do harm to another person in this manner, that justice will be served and crimes of the nature will not go unpunished.

Thank you for this opportunity to let my voice be heard.

As of now this is the statement I have prepared for the court. I pray I will have the courage to read the day he is sentenced. I will prepare a different statement if he pleads innocent and is found guilty.

No Drivers Licence For Jaime

Yesterday (September 15th, 2011) was the day I was suppose to gain my independence through the freedom of a drivers licence. I made the appointment to take my driving test about a month ago. Two weeks ago my life changed because of the selfish actions of a pretend man. After he hurt me I forgot all about my pending driving test until Monday or Tuesday this week. I wasn't for sure if I was emotionally stable enough to get behind the wheel. Quite frankly I'm still not sure. Still I had a fairly good night Wednesday after I chatted with a friend and expressed a fairly high level of anger toward my attacker. I felt okay enough to take the driving test Thursday afternoon.

Dad and I drove to the DMV and as I walked up to the counter so that I could let them know I was there to take my driving test I was told that I couldn't. It turns out that they won't let a person with a broken arm take the test. Their reasoning was because my left arm is immobilized with my elbow at a 90 degree angle because of the cast, I can't safely operate a motor vehicle. Okay, okay, I will have to reluctantly agree with them. I can imagine that using the turning signal and keeping my hands on 10 O-Clock and 2 O-Clock with a broken and immobilized arm would be sort of IMPOSSIBLE. Uhhhhhh. I'm still a little aggravated.