The following is a letter I am thinking about giving the mother of the guy who raped me. I am wanting to do this because I can partially imagine what a parent (especially a mom) would be going through in the situation that they have been forced into by their child's actions. I would appreciate feedback on if this is totally insane, outlandish, or insensitive of me to write. As I say in the letter, the last thing I want to do is add to his mom's pain. If I do give this to her it is as much for me as it is for her, but I will not allow my needs here to further hurt her.
I have discussed the legality of this with my lawyer and as long as it doesn't come off as harassment, slanderous, or intentionally hurtful it is okay. I ask each of you if this does come off in that way? If I do give her this letter it will be after he is sentenced on the 20th, and it will be given to her by my lawyer.
Dear Mrs. (her last name),
I have struggled with the idea of writing you this letter. I am so worried that this letter will be received negatively. It most certainly isn't meant to add to the pain you undoubtedly are feeling right now. In many ways I can only imagine what you are going through as a mother. Although there's currently no way I could possibly understand what you are going through, I do realize all of this must be very hard for you. I want you to know that I hold no anger toward you. Sometimes things happen that aren't a reflection of how we were raised. Sometimes a parent can be the most devout of parents and things still become messed up. Sometimes the best of parents become separated from their child due to the child's own wrong choices. I think what I'm trying to say is that I don't feel that anything that happened to me is your fault, and I pray that you don't feel that it's your fault.
When tragedies, difficulties, and emotional struggle happens in our lives and the lives of those we care about, all we can do is continue to move forward and show support for those we love. We can drive ourselves crazy with questions like why did this happen? What did I do wrong? Why couldn't I have prevented this from happening? The reality is sometimes everything can be done right, and things can still go wrong.
Mrs. (her last name), I am sorry for how much this situation has affected everyone. You and ALL of your family are in my prayers.
-Jaime
Oh honey, I think that is fabulously written! You are so poiniant, honest and caring. I dont think your letter comes off at all as "harassment" and if she feels that way, she's not worth your time. I think if you give this to her, you need to do that for you, as a move forward in your healing. You care so much about others, but you need to think for a moment how this letter is going to impact you. I hope that it makes you feel empowered, like a step forward and gives you some closure. You need to continue to take care of you, okay? (((Hugs))) my friend.
ReplyDelete@BJ I agree - your letter is "poiniant, honest, and caring" - so it's on her if she interprets it negatively.
ReplyDeleteIt doesn't come across as anything but loving and forgiving when I read over it. We can only speculate what her experience will be reading it, so I second BJ's recommendation - do this for you, especially if it will make you feel empowered. It is really a wonderful gesture, and I know that I would appreciate it if I were in her position.
And the good news is, you still have a little time so you don't have to decide right away. You can let it sit for a few days and revisit it and reevaluate your concerns/emotions, making sure that you have solidified what you want to say and how you want to say it.
Jaime, so proud of you for how you are handling all this. There's a lot of fight in your small frame.
For you, {{HUG}}.
Even in your struggle you are thinking of everyone else around you. Your a very brave young lady, God bless.
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