Virgin or Not Virgin

I was recently commenting on another survivor's blog in regards to virginity and how I view it in terms of being raped. I want to explain what my feelings of it are in greater detail here, and ask others what they think about it.

Ever since my mom and dad reluctantly decided to explain the birds and the bees, they have taught me that sex is a very special thing to be shared between loving couples. Sex isn't something that to be shared lightly and without thought. Of course they drilled it into my head that it would be best to wait until I was married but they also taught me the whole safe sex yada, yada, yada.

Because of the way they raised me and how my own personal beliefs have grown as a result of their guidance. Several years ago I decided to wait until I became married or at least in a serious, committed, and loving relationship before having sex. To be honest, I figured I would be in my early 20's, probably about to graduate from college before I became that seriously involved in a relationship.

When I was being assaulted there were many thoughts and fears going through my mind. Although I have thought about virginity and how my assault affects it many times since, I just recently while reading another survivors blog did I realize I had a passing thought of it during my assault. The pressing question is seemingly a simple one. "Am I still a virgin"?

The online dictionary defines a virgin as:

Virgin: (noun)

“A person, who has never had sexual intercourse“.

I guess that's pretty straightforward and clinical. If you have sexual intercourse you are no longer a virgin. The same online dictionary defines sexual intercourse as:

Sexual intercourse: (noun)

“Sex involving penetration: an act carried out for reproduction or pleasure involving penetration, especially one in which a man inserts his erect penis into a woman's vagina“.

With the circumstances of rape and these definitions in mind, I want to propose some questions and answer them according to my own personal belief and understanding. Please by all means feel free to contribute your own personal beliefs in this matter.

Can a person be forced to have sex?

It is my opinion that a person regardless of cohesion or physical control can not be forced to have sex. The reason why from a clinical, pure definition based viewpoint is for penetration to count as sex it has to be for the purpose of reproduction or pleasure. The purpose of reproduction is to bring a new life into the world; and pleasure being to indulge in a form of either emotional or physical gratification. Therefore rape can not be concluded to be sex because it is neither for the purpose of reproduction or a mutual form of gratification. 

If a person is a virgin and then forcefully penetrated during a sexual assault, are they still a virgin?

It is my opinion that a person regardless penetration can not have their virginity stolen from them. The reason being from a clinical, pure definition based viewpoint is because being a virgin means having not yet had sexual intercourse. And sexual intercourse means penetration for the purpose of reproduction or mutual pleasure. As a result, forced penetration can not be the catalysts from virgin to non-virgin.

Clinical definitions and reasoning are fine and direct to the point but in reality an action as vile as rape has an extremely high level of personal connotations. Thus a clinical explanation could never fit the vast expanses and diversity of the human mind and its complicated emotional structure. Each of us has our own personal beliefs and emotions that define for us what sex and virginity are. I will try to explain my own personal beliefs of what constitutes virginity.

I think virginity is far less about the physical act of sex than it is about the willingness of the individuals involved and the emotions attributed to the act.

Ever since I was taught and became aware of what sex is, I have viewed it as an emotional and physical sharing between two people. It’s a gesture and an emotional gift of sorts, thus a first intentional sharing of ourselves with another is what relinquishes our virginity. During the physical penetration of rape, although our bodies and emotions were so violated, our willingness can't be forced, nor can virginity be taken. That boils down to one fact that I need to keep drilling into my head; I am still a virgin in the pure sense of the word. Anyone who was or is a virgin at the time of their rape is also a virgin after the fact.