Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Part 3 What Happened To Me

I guess now that he has pled guilty I will try to write more about what happened to me.

I'm not sure where he drove us to. I do know it was across the Ohio River and into Indiana because of my cell phone records. Not long after 11 pm when I was suppose to be at home my cell phone began to ring. I could hear it ringing, but it only rang a few times. After I was released nearly a day later I found out that my dad was the one calling, and after he tried a few times the phone had been turned off. Dad began to call the parents of my friends and ask them if they knew where I was. That's when each of my friends who were at the mall with me that night told my dad that they left me at the mall with a guy. By 2 am or so in the morning dad decided to call the police. It didn't take the police long to start to understand what was happening. They went over to that guys house and woke up his parents but he hadn't come home either. That's when they tried to track my cell phone but according to them it had already been turned shutoff. They did know that the last cell tower to pickup a signal from my phone was in Indiana.

Whenever the detectives were getting my statement at the hospital they wanted to know where that guy had driven me. In all honesty I had very little idea. I could only tell them that it was about 15-20 minutes away from where the initial assault took place and I thought he parked inside of a garage. I still don't know for sure where he took me. As far as I know he hasn't told the police.

After he parked the van he came into the back of the van where I was at. I never will forget the words that he said to me, "You can scream all you want to now because no one will hear you, no one will come for you, and no one will find you". I began again to ask him to let me go, but he just laughed. I asked him why he was doing this to me and he simply said, "because it is fun".

He walked over to me and I was so scared that he was going to rape me again or hit in the face and stomach. I told him please don't several times. He didn't hurt me again right away. He used a piece of my torn clothes that was on the floor and got it wet with some water out of a water bottle. He used it to wash the blood off my face and my forearms. He whispered quietly to me as he wiped away the blood as if he was doing me a kindness. By this time my left eye was almost swollen shut. He had the same kind sound in his voice that he had when we was at the mall, but the kind sound was just a lie. It was all a lie, nothing about him was kind. It took him several minutes to finish cleaning off the blood.

He told me that he was going to make me more comfortable, then we would start again. I didn't understand what he meant by "more comfortable", but I unfortunately understood what he meant by "start again". He reached into an overhead compartment and pulled out what I first thought was a deflated raft for a swimming pool, but as he was airing it up I could tell that it was one of those blowup guest mattresses. Once he finished airing it up he centered it on the floor just in front of me.

As I watched him get undressed I cried and begged him again to let me go. He didn't say anything. He stood there at the opposite end of the mattress completely naked. There was a cooler in the corner that he reached into and pulled out a can of beer. He then sat down on the cooler and began to drink the beer. He asked me if I wanted one but I said no I just wanted to go home. He also took the time to smoke a cigarette. The entire time he was naked and staring at me naked with my wrists still in handcuffs over my head.

I was hoping to be able to tell more but I can't right now. It's all still so messed up.

6 comments:

  1. Angela said...
    It is good that you are trying to write about what happened. I had to do that also, and as painful as it is, getting it all out is a good release, and can help with the PTSD. You are in my thoughts so often, and I wish you peace and healing from your suffering. Sending {{{HUGS}}}
    October 6, 2011 10:54 PM

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  2. Eve said...
    Oh, my. Sending you safe warm hugs.
    October 11, 2011 11:12 AM

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  3. Rachel Hanson said...
    You are extraordinarily brave for telling this story so openly, and so soon after your trauma. I am sorry, so sorry for what happened to you, but glad that you are receiving support from your family and community, and that your abuser is receiving some form of justice (not that justice can ever really exist in such a situation).

    I also wanted to comment because I, too, have experienced something in many ways very similar to your trauma, and I know how isolating it can sometimes feel to have a statistically 'unlikely' trauma. You have my empathy and support.

    - Rachel

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  4. Thank you Rachel for your support and empathy.

    I'm going to give you an honest answer to something that I haven't previously been honest about. The reason why I am so "brave" and open isn't because I am a brave and open person. When I found out that I was pregnant I knew that I have to work hard to heal because the pregnancy alone will be hard on me. I have already had thoughts leaning toward self harm and suicide. I can't risk my action risking the innocent baby growing in me. I have to get better because of that. Also, even though I am planning on adopting out my baby, I also have a voice in the back of my head asking me do I really want to let my baby go. My logic says yes, but my heart says no. I want to be better so I am able to choose either option. Right now with my current mental health I have to adopt out the baby.

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  5. I haven't been diagnosed with ptsd.

    She seems to think I am in a denial of sorts. I forgot what term she used. Dissociation disorder I think. She says I separate myself from what happened as a means of coping.

    Thanks For The (((((HUGS)))))

    ReplyDelete

Death must be so beautiful. To lie in the soft brown earth, with the grasses waving above one's head, and listen to silence. To have no yesterday, and no tomorrow. To forget time, to forgive life, to be at peace.
- Oscar Wilde quotes