A Weird And Lucid Dream

I had a weird dream last night. Of course weird and disturbing dreams for me isn't all that strange, but they have seemed to become more prevalent since my rape. The weird thing about this dream is that I knew it was a dream the entire time. Before my rape I usually knew the dreams I was having was just a dream and I could consciously manipulate the path of the dream. Since my rape my dreams have been more like a horror movie that I was unwittingly cast to act in. The dream I had last night was different, I knew it was a dream and I was writing the script in my head as it went along.

Okay, the dream starts out with me sitting in my car while it's parked in the driveway. I was crying but I don't know why. I was pounding the palms of my hands against the steering wheel. I backed out of the driveway and began to drive to school, but on the way to school I decided that I didn't want to be in school that day. While driving up to a stop light I thought to myself, "Turn Green", and the light turned green. I thought that was strange, but didn't pay much attention to it. Rain drops began to bounce off the windshield, and I thought to myself, "I wish it was warm and sunny", suddenly the clouds disappeared and the sun warmed everything up.

My car in real life is a silver Mazda Miata, in my dream it was also a silver Miata. While driving with the sun shinning I wondered what my car would look like if it was Cherry Red, and suddenly my car changed fro silver to cherry red. I realized at this point that I was dreaming and I was in charge of my dream. I must have went through a dozen colors for my car before I stopped with purple, my favorite color.

Traffic was coming to a stop and at first I was just going to use my imagination and cause the traffic to disappear or cause my car to fly over top of the traffic, but I am a curious person and decided to see what was going on. I saw that a person had been hit by a car and they were lying on the pavement. As I got closer I could see that it was a man, even closer I could see that it was a young man, and yet closer I could see that the person lying motionless in a pool of their own blood was the guy who raped me. I couldn't help but laugh and have a crazy sounding giggle come out of the depth of my soul. The whole time I was fixated on his dead body and I wasn't paying any attention to anyone else around me, but suddenly a homeless guy began to wash my windshield with some dirty water and newspapers. I politely asked him to stop, but he turned to me and I realized that he was also the guy who raped me. I turned to look at the cops who were working this traffic accident and all the cops were also the guy who raped me, but they were wearing cop uniforms. It was the same way with the EMS workers, Firemen, other drivers, and the person walking their dog. They were all the guy who raped me.

Me realizing that this was a dream, it didn't freak me out all that much. I drove away and a few miles later I stopped to get gas. While filling my car up I also put the convertible top down so that I could enjoy the sun shine. I continued to drive in no particular direction. Eventually I came up to a truck stop and parked my car. I watched several trucks enter and leave and I wondered to myself what would it feel like to drive one of those 18 wheelers. I figured it was my dream so I got out of my car and walked up to a truck that was parked and opened the door then climbed in. The funny thing is that driving the truck didn't feel any different than driving my Miata.

I drove for miles and miles and then I had a strange idea cross my mind. I thought about finding the guy who raped me and running him over. It didn't take long to find him. Everywhere I looked there he was. He was the milk man, meter maid, construction worker, stock boy gathering grocery baskets, other drivers, people cutting grass, basically he was everyone else. I began to rundown every version of him I could find. This truck I was driving was awesome, it just kept going and going. I could plow right through other vehicles killing my rapist who was inside of them. I plowed through yards, houses, stores, businesses, and any other thing that was between me and him. I left hundreds of miles of destruction and bloody versions of his broken body strewed around.

After a few hours I became sleepy or tired of driving and I went back to that truck stop. I parked the truck where I found it and then got into my Miata and began to drive home with a feeling of satisfaction and vindication. I turned the radio on to my favorite country music station and sang along with all the songs. Suddenly the music was interrupted by an important emergency message. The message verbatim, "Everyone need to remain in their homes. We have a lunatic in an 18 wheeler riving around running people over for no apparent reason. We have two thousand, three hundred, and twenty three confirmed dead, many of them are women and children".

I realized at that point that I had only imagine that all of those people were my rapist, and that I had run over all of those innocent people. I started to cry but my sadness didn't last long. I knew this was just a dream and I chose to change my dream and make all of those people my rapist.

Another emergency message came on the radio and said (verbatim), "It seems like we were misinformed. There wasn't 2,323 individual victims, there was only one victim that was ran over 2,323 times by the same person. The firemen and EMT's are in the process of collecting the leftover body parts".

The music began to play again and I started to sing again. The song that I was singing to was by Martina Mcbride, called Happy Girl. I awoke with the lyrics to that song going through my mind.

I told ya, it was a weird dream. LOL

Happy Girl lyrics

I used to live in a darkened room

Had a face of stone

And a heart of gloom

Lost my hope, I was so far gone

Cryin' all my tears

With the curtains drawn

I didn't know until my soul broke free

I've got these angels watching over me

Oh watch me go

I'm a happy girl

Everybody knows

That the sweetest thing you'll ever see

In the whole wide world

Is a happy girl

I used to hide in a party crowd

Bottled up inside

Feeling so left out

Standing in a corner wearing concrete shoes

With my frozen smile

And my lighted fuse

Now every time I start to feel like that

I roll my heart out like a welcome mat

Oh watch me go

I'm a happy girl

Everybody knows

That the sweetest thing you'll ever see

In the whole wide world

Is a happy girl

Laugh when I feel like it

Cry when I feel like it

That's just how my life is

That's how it goes

Oh watch me go

I'm a happy girl

And I've come to know

That the world won't change

Just 'cause I complain

Let the axis twirl

I'm a happy girl

Oh watch me go

I'm a happy girl

Everybody knows

That the sweetest thing you'll ever see

In the whole wide world

Is a happy girl

Oh, yeah

Oh, yeah

I'm a happy girl