A Weird And Lucid Dream

I had a weird dream last night. Of course weird and disturbing dreams for me isn't all that strange, but they have seemed to become more prevalent since my rape. The weird thing about this dream is that I knew it was a dream the entire time. Before my rape I usually knew the dreams I was having was just a dream and I could consciously manipulate the path of the dream. Since my rape my dreams have been more like a horror movie that I was unwittingly cast to act in. The dream I had last night was different, I knew it was a dream and I was writing the script in my head as it went along.

Okay, the dream starts out with me sitting in my car while it's parked in the driveway. I was crying but I don't know why. I was pounding the palms of my hands against the steering wheel. I backed out of the driveway and began to drive to school, but on the way to school I decided that I didn't want to be in school that day. While driving up to a stop light I thought to myself, "Turn Green", and the light turned green. I thought that was strange, but didn't pay much attention to it. Rain drops began to bounce off the windshield, and I thought to myself, "I wish it was warm and sunny", suddenly the clouds disappeared and the sun warmed everything up.

My car in real life is a silver Mazda Miata, in my dream it was also a silver Miata. While driving with the sun shinning I wondered what my car would look like if it was Cherry Red, and suddenly my car changed fro silver to cherry red. I realized at this point that I was dreaming and I was in charge of my dream. I must have went through a dozen colors for my car before I stopped with purple, my favorite color.

Traffic was coming to a stop and at first I was just going to use my imagination and cause the traffic to disappear or cause my car to fly over top of the traffic, but I am a curious person and decided to see what was going on. I saw that a person had been hit by a car and they were lying on the pavement. As I got closer I could see that it was a man, even closer I could see that it was a young man, and yet closer I could see that the person lying motionless in a pool of their own blood was the guy who raped me. I couldn't help but laugh and have a crazy sounding giggle come out of the depth of my soul. The whole time I was fixated on his dead body and I wasn't paying any attention to anyone else around me, but suddenly a homeless guy began to wash my windshield with some dirty water and newspapers. I politely asked him to stop, but he turned to me and I realized that he was also the guy who raped me. I turned to look at the cops who were working this traffic accident and all the cops were also the guy who raped me, but they were wearing cop uniforms. It was the same way with the EMS workers, Firemen, other drivers, and the person walking their dog. They were all the guy who raped me.

Me realizing that this was a dream, it didn't freak me out all that much. I drove away and a few miles later I stopped to get gas. While filling my car up I also put the convertible top down so that I could enjoy the sun shine. I continued to drive in no particular direction. Eventually I came up to a truck stop and parked my car. I watched several trucks enter and leave and I wondered to myself what would it feel like to drive one of those 18 wheelers. I figured it was my dream so I got out of my car and walked up to a truck that was parked and opened the door then climbed in. The funny thing is that driving the truck didn't feel any different than driving my Miata.

I drove for miles and miles and then I had a strange idea cross my mind. I thought about finding the guy who raped me and running him over. It didn't take long to find him. Everywhere I looked there he was. He was the milk man, meter maid, construction worker, stock boy gathering grocery baskets, other drivers, people cutting grass, basically he was everyone else. I began to rundown every version of him I could find. This truck I was driving was awesome, it just kept going and going. I could plow right through other vehicles killing my rapist who was inside of them. I plowed through yards, houses, stores, businesses, and any other thing that was between me and him. I left hundreds of miles of destruction and bloody versions of his broken body strewed around.

After a few hours I became sleepy or tired of driving and I went back to that truck stop. I parked the truck where I found it and then got into my Miata and began to drive home with a feeling of satisfaction and vindication. I turned the radio on to my favorite country music station and sang along with all the songs. Suddenly the music was interrupted by an important emergency message. The message verbatim, "Everyone need to remain in their homes. We have a lunatic in an 18 wheeler riving around running people over for no apparent reason. We have two thousand, three hundred, and twenty three confirmed dead, many of them are women and children".

I realized at that point that I had only imagine that all of those people were my rapist, and that I had run over all of those innocent people. I started to cry but my sadness didn't last long. I knew this was just a dream and I chose to change my dream and make all of those people my rapist.

Another emergency message came on the radio and said (verbatim), "It seems like we were misinformed. There wasn't 2,323 individual victims, there was only one victim that was ran over 2,323 times by the same person. The firemen and EMT's are in the process of collecting the leftover body parts".

The music began to play again and I started to sing again. The song that I was singing to was by Martina Mcbride, called Happy Girl. I awoke with the lyrics to that song going through my mind.

I told ya, it was a weird dream. LOL

Happy Girl lyrics

I used to live in a darkened room

Had a face of stone

And a heart of gloom

Lost my hope, I was so far gone

Cryin' all my tears

With the curtains drawn

I didn't know until my soul broke free

I've got these angels watching over me

Oh watch me go

I'm a happy girl

Everybody knows

That the sweetest thing you'll ever see

In the whole wide world

Is a happy girl

I used to hide in a party crowd

Bottled up inside

Feeling so left out

Standing in a corner wearing concrete shoes

With my frozen smile

And my lighted fuse

Now every time I start to feel like that

I roll my heart out like a welcome mat

Oh watch me go

I'm a happy girl

Everybody knows

That the sweetest thing you'll ever see

In the whole wide world

Is a happy girl

Laugh when I feel like it

Cry when I feel like it

That's just how my life is

That's how it goes

Oh watch me go

I'm a happy girl

And I've come to know

That the world won't change

Just 'cause I complain

Let the axis twirl

I'm a happy girl

Oh watch me go

I'm a happy girl

Everybody knows

That the sweetest thing you'll ever see

In the whole wide world

Is a happy girl

Oh, yeah

Oh, yeah

I'm a happy girl

A Disturbingly Weird Dream

I Had A Bad Weird Dream. I guess since it's getting so close to the court date that I am getting really stressed out or something. I had a really weird and quite honestly a very disturbing dream. This post is a description of this dream. I will try to keep it as short as I can and still be able to explain it in enough detail so everyone gets the idea. This description should be considered triggering for "emotionally conflicting images" and a general sense of ickyness. You will understand once you read.

This dream takes place in the courtroom and it seems to be my rapists sentencing. We are all in the courtroom; my dad, lawyer, and I are sitting in the front just behind the prosecutor. The rest of my family is sitting in the back roll on the same side of the isle as us. My rapist is there and so is his family. They are all sitting on the other side of the isle behind his defense attorneys. It looks like all of his family has shown up, but the weird thing is all the women are wearing really pretty and colorful dresses and the men are wearing tuxedos. I also notice that my rapist's lawyers and my rapist are also wearing tuxedos. The biggest difference is my rapist's tuxedo is one of those really cheesy baby blue colored tuxedos like you could picture from when your parents were kids. Although all this was really weird looking I didn't think a lot of it because I had other stuff on my mind than their messed up clothes choice. The judge walks in but he's not wearing a judges robe; instead he's dressed like the pope.

The court becomes quiet and the judge asks, "Does anyone have anything to say before sentence is carried out"?

My lawyer stands and says, "Yes, your majesty; Jaime has something to say".

I stood up and began to read the statement I have prepared. I was having trouble reading because for some strange reason the words I wrote didn't seem to make sense. All the words were there but they were out of order. I'm struggling to get through this and I can see my dad out of the corner of my eye shaking his head in disappointment. He's also sighing in frustration. I turn to look at him for support and encouragement to help me get through this and that's when I notice that he had removed his button-up dress shirt, revealing a t-shirt that read, "Don't blame me, SHE WAS A STRAY". I began to look around the courtroom and notice that everyone had the same look on their face; it was a look of confusion. People were also snickering like I was doing a bad performance or something. The judge who is dressed like a pope was dozing off and the bailiff kept poking him in the side to keep him awake. I finally finished reading my statement.

The judge then asked, "Does anyone else have anything to say before sentence is carried out"?

The defense attorney then stood up and said, "Yes".

That's when the guy who raped me stood up and began to speak. I don't remember the exact words but I do remember the gist of it. He was telling the courtroom that HE FORGIVES ME FOR ASSAULTING HIM. I was immediately thinking to myself, WHAT THE HELL. Everyone in the courtroom was nodding their heads in agreement with his statements. They believed that I was his assailant. He made his statement by memory and didn't stutter at all. He was very clear in the way he spoke like he was a professional speaker. After a few minutes he finished.

The judge said, "Would the defendant please stand for sentencing".

My rapist didn't stand-up, there was an eerie silence. I heard some giggles and then once again the judge repeated himself, "Would the defendant please stand for sentencing".

Again he didn't stand-up and the giggles and snickering in the courtroom became louder. I could tell the judge was losing patience and then he slammed his gavel onto the podium and said, "We don't have time for this non-sense. Would the court officer please make the defendant stand for sentencing"?

At that moment everyone in the courtroom turned to the bailiff and watched him as he walked not over to my rapist, but over to me. The bailiff lifted me to my feet from under my arm. I suddenly realized that I was the defendant; I was the one being sentenced. After I was forced to my feet the judge began to read the sentence, "20 years for rape, 20 years for assault, and 20 years for abduction and false imprisonment. Now get that piece of trash out of my courtroom".

I couldn't understand what was happening. The bailiff began to handcuff me and I was looking at my dad for help, but he was just sitting there reading a magazine. I called out for him but he put his finger over his mouth to tell me to shhhhh.

This is where the dream gets really weird and disturbing. As I was being escorted out of the courtroom and toward the holding cells, I heard my rapist yelling and protesting MY SENTENCE. I was placed in a holding cell and then the door was shut behind me. About five or ten minutes passed and my dad finally walked back there and told me that they have figured out a compromise that would keep me out of jail. I kept asking him, "What compromise, how am I supposed to compromise when I am the victim"?

I was walked back into the courtroom and they stood me right next to my rapists and he got down on one knee and said, "I forgive you for being the dirty little whore you are and I will marry you so that you don't have to go to prison".

Suddenly I realized why his family was wearing tuxedos.

Needless to say this is when I woke up and I wasn't able to go back to sleep.

What the heck is this crap about? It was off the chart ridicules and disturbing. I must have taken 1 too many punches to the head and have brain damage to have a dream like that.